The end is the beginning!

I have no idea what lies on the other side of divorce, but I do know there will be a presence of joy. There are limitless opportunities to grow, and I know that love will visit me again.

Welcome to A Redeemer's Heart. This is a space of truth. Not all truths hurt. Some are sweet, profound and life changing. It's always important to find your truth and glean in it.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

The end draws near

As the end draws near, my heart flutters. I am not anxious or scared. I am anticipating freedom. The

freedom to breathe deeply and smile from the depths of my soul. This journey has been long and

tiresome. I battled with the decision for quite some time. I didn’t want to fail or be ashamed. I didn’t

want anyone to feel sorry for me. I didn’t want to give up too soon. In fact, I didn’t want to give up at all.

I didn’t want to be alone. Every thought I had about the end was rooted in what I didn’t want. I was

fixated on everything that didn’t go right. It has been quite the process to discover what I want and what

is next for me.

Divorce isn’t easy. It is grief wrapped up in failure. It is severed ties, a broken covenant, and

disappointment. It is the unraveling of the woman that I had just begun to accept. I’m not quite on the

other side of it, but this side is mundane. There’s no color, no new flowers, just a neutral palette waiting

for design. I look back at all the circumstances that have brought me here and find peace in the decision

to walk away.

Shrinking to fit

I believe that after shrinking to fit into a marriage for almost 5 years, I unlearned some very important

life lessons. I have unlearned how to be bold and grow unapologetically. I have unlearned how to stand

out and be comfortable in my truth. I had unlearned so many things about myself in order to suffice the

marriage and stop feeling that I was too much and that I was asking for incredibly much.

I have come to understand that trauma is something that will be with you throughout life. Jesus and

therapy are very necessary to navigate through it. I have been in therapy for over eight months, and I

honestly felt like it wasn’t working. I’m talking about weekly 60–90-minute sessions, where at the end of

each session, I left feeling like I wasn’t getting better. I was at a crossroad. I thought maybe I’d stop

attending therapy, and instead use that time for something else. I was sitting and reflecting one day,

when it hit me. I was trying to apply new principles to an old mentality. While going through divorce, I

was chasing the healthy and happy Brittany that existed prior to marriage. Ya’ll, she's gone! When I

grasped that, I felt even worse. I loved and adored that version of myself, whom I felt was the best

Brittany that I had ever been. Just when sadness was leaving, it settled right back into my heart. I have

had to embrace the woman I am while in this transition.

I have learned

I have learned so many things throughout marriage and divorce. I have learned to love without limit,

condition, or reciprocation. I have learned to accept that I will not be loved in the same way that I love. I

have realized that despite how great I am, a relationship will not work without sincere effort from the

other person. Potential is only promising if a person sees it and acts on it consistently. Words will never

mean more than actions. Shrinking will make you settle for less than you deserve. You will notice that

you really aren’t getting anything, if you squelch your needs. Self-deprivation will rob you of your God

given joy. It is so important to realize when something isn’t for you and when something no longer

serves you.

I find peace

These days, I find peace in saying no without explanation. I rarely answer my phone, and social media

hasn’t been a priority. I used to feel guilty for the friendships that I have abandoned for the sake of self-

healing. I simply required time to grieve, process, and to die. To die to my old self and to decide what

rebirth will look like. OF course, in all things I stay in prayer and supplication to Christ. I only want to be

who He has called me to be. He has been the rock, in which I have found strength and the permission to

write again. I’m not trying to be anything or anyone. I am just holding space to breathe deeply. I have no

idea what lies on the other side of divorce, but I do know there will be a presence of joy. There are

limitless opportunities to grow, and I know that love will visit me again.

Until then, I will glean in my skin, stay close to Christ, and pursue what brings me joy! If you are in

transition or at the end of something, be encouraged. The end is only the beginning!