Unworthy

Our ideas of success and self-worth are very different across the world, across cultures, and backgrounds. Really...what is self-worth? Is it the peace that you feel knowing that you don't care what others think of you?

Welcome to A Redeemer's Heart. Life has surely taken us through some things. Some of the events leave us with scarred, marred hearts. We are grateful for Christ. He truly has a way of mending what has been broken, and making it new. If you truly desire it, he will give you a redeemer's heart. This is a space of truth. Not all truths hurt. Some are sweet, profound and life changing. It's always important to find your truth and glean in it.

Longing for my father

“God is a father to the fatherless.” Psalm 68: 5-6

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a longing for my father. He was absent. The times that I remember him in my life, I felt understood. I felt like it was truly okay to be myself. Over the years I grew immune to his absence, because in my heart and mind he had a disease that he was still trying to defeat, alcoholism.

As an adult he was present a few times through phone calls and texts. I was elated, because during the

times when I felt I needed my dad the most, he was accessible, and I could find comfort in the

conversations we had. It made me feel less alone.

Isolation and Alienation

“For in You the fatherless find compassion.” Hosea 14:3

Most recently, I was satisfied with the phone calls, because the feelings of isolation and alienation were

discomforting. I was overwhelmed with sadness. I thought perhaps this time was different, because he

was free from addiction. He found love and had gotten married. His career was going great, and his list

of desires was being fulfilled.

I presumed that he felt that building a relationship with me was important. This time around, he came

with promises. I was excited because I knew this time was different. I mean I’m “grown-grown” now,

and he is too. Unfortunately, the promises fell flat, and turned out to be empty disappointments.

I was content for many years until I felt like a band aid had been ripped from my heart and I was

heartbroken all over again. It's crazy to me how one man can make you feel so unworthy. It's crazy to

think that you can go through much of your life feeling worthless because of someone else’s decisions or

lack thereof.

Let me ask you

How many years have you allowed someone to violate the boundaries that you set? How many times

have you said, “it's okay” and it really wasn't? When did you decide, if ever, that enough was enough?

The most precious moments can pass you by because you’re so focused on what isn’t.

Focus on living in the moment

I had to focus on living in the moment, which involved cherishing my present family and friends. I had to

bask in the glory of all my accomplishments and progress. Our ideas of success and self-worth are very

different across the world, across cultures, and backgrounds. Really...what is self-worth?

Is it the peace that you feel knowing that you don't care what others think of you? Is it the idea that you finally deserve happiness despite who’s present in your life? Worthiness is the state of feeling good

enough. Enough is as much or as many as required. Who exactly determines as much or as many as

required?

Self-worth

For me, self-worth is my identity in Christ. He’s my Abba (Father) and through Him I’ve discovered that I

haven’t lacked anything (Psalm 34: 9-10). He’s been my comforter through the heartbreaks (Psalm

34:18), and a listening ear when it was all going “wrong”. It took a while for me to understand that

Christ will love me as much as I never knew I needed and will forgive me as many times as I repent with

a pure heart (Romans 8:39).

Self-worth isn't something that you can determine by the standards of this world. It is only determined

by your encounters with Christ and your idea of yourself (1 Peter 3:3-4). I was never unworthy of

anything, but God’s perfect love.