Plant Therapy

I started to have a tough time mothering my daughter. No matter what I did, I was met with resistance. I felt so defeated and lost. I thought surely our connection was gone because I couldn’t meet her needs.

Welcome to A Redeemer's Heart. This is a space of truth. Not all truths hurt. Some are sweet, profound and life changing. It's always important to find your truth and glean in it.

Silver Stem Plants

I was scrolling Instagram one day when I saw Lydia from Silver Stem Plants plotting plants with her grandmother. Something about her connection with her grandmother, and her willingness to make her plant more comfortable, resonated with me. I messaged her and asked if she would be willing to shop for plants for my space. I was comfortable letting Lydia choose for me after providing her with a vision of what I had in mind. The last plant I cared for was 13 years ago: a spider plant that was on the brink of death when I handed her over to my friend’s mom. I never saw that plant again.

Lydia bought me two plants: a bird of paradise and a snake plant. Although my space was closed and I had contractors there, it gave me a reason to visit the salon. I had to make sure that my plants were surviving. I didn’t know that paying attention to the needs of plants would water my soul. As my new space started coming together, I began to buy more plants. The fact that nurturing plants brought me so much joy was amazing to me. Before I knew it, I had over 50 plants in the salon. I monitored each one and moved them around until I found their sweet spots. I researched the watering and light needs. I researched fertilizer and common pest problems. I even named my biggest, healthiest, most thriving plant Brittany. I spoke to her daily. I had become the “crazy plant lady.”

Plants and Motherhood

I soon discovered that caring for plants helped me emotionally and mentally. My desire to control all areas of my life often leads to anxiety. When I was able to assess the needs of my plants, care for them in a way that was not only preventing death but in a way that helped them thrive, I was able to find joy in my every day. This changed me as a wife, mother, sister, friend, and stylist. Caring for plants caused me to slow down, pause, and pay attention to the needs of those around me. In many ways, people and plants are a lot alike.

I started to have a tough time mothering my daughter. No matter what I did, I was met with resistance. I felt so defeated and lost. I thought surely our connection was gone because I couldn’t meet her needs. I literally just stopped to observe her. My kid was smiling and seemed to be enjoying life, but beneath the surface, I saw that she struggled emotionally. She was angry and frustrated. I spent more time with her, without my son, Roman. I bought her “just because gifts.” I spoke more life into her. I hugged her more. I did more things that interested her. I prayed with and for her. I found ways for her to spend more time with her cousins. I put her in therapy to help her find ways to cope. Nothing seemed to work. I needed to get to the root.

Plants can produce beautiful foliage while dying of root rot.

I knew that with plants that overwatering, underwatering, and lighting were usually the culprits for a decline in their appearance. If after you have corrected all of those things and you still see a decline you have to check the roots. Once you check and properly treat the roots, there is a great chance that the plant will survive and eventually thrive.

It took a minute but it finally clicked. Aria had a root issue. After really observing her behavior I saw that she felt unworthy and rejected. I eventually guessed that Aria wanted her biological father. I thought that having a husband who has loved her unconditionally since she was a baby would be enough. I knew rough patches would come, but I was so sure that our love would help to smooth them.

We never spoke much about her biological father. I always felt that when she was ready, she would express interest. Therapy helped reveal that her dad was indeed the root problem. I found ways for Aria to share her feelings about her father. Aria couldn’t understand the reason for her father’s absence because he was present with his other children.

Getting to the ROOT!

Validating her feelings and explaining to her that being hurt, angry, and frustrated is completely normal helped prune some of the rotten roots. Teaching her how to ask for help when she feels stuck in her emotions has cleared away the majority of her root issue. Finally, prayer and daily words of affirmation have been the treatments to thoroughly clean her roots. Aria has since grown into a new level of maturity and is thriving. Cutting away her negative self-talk and negative self-image has been challenging but the new growth has made it all so worth it. She smiles more, dances often, and doesn’t have a problem expressing herself.

It is so important to check on your plants often. Discovering problems early on will help your plant to live and thrive. Being a plant mom isn’t easy and please understand that not all yellowing or curled leaves mean that your plant is dying. Old leaves yellow and eventually fall off or have to be pruned. This promotes new growth and is the circle of plant life.

Adapting to the changes.

Aria is my first love and being a plant mom has helped me in so many ways in mothering her. I am sure to check on Aria more often. I ask open-ended questions and give her the opportunity to share her feelings without judgment. As her needs change, l am sure to respond to them quickly. I never want her to get to a place where we can’t prune her roots and save her.

Plant therapy has been life changing and improved my nurturing skills as a mother. I am more patient and more willing to seek solutions with my children before I react. As my kids grow I look forward to observing how their needs change. I anticipate many years of joy, growth, watering, and pruning - for both my children and my plants.